‘I know and I wish I didn’t. But I can’t help how I feel about Evan. I really wanted to like you and I tried. But I just couldn’t get over him and I’m not quite sure if I ever really wanted to.’ I knew my words would hurt but I had to be honest not only to him but myself. ‘I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I knew there was something missing, that you never looked at me the way I looked at you. But I convinced myself to think nothing of it because I wanted you so bad. But when we came here tonight and I saw you look at him. Your eyes…..Your eyes met his in the way I had only dreamed it would be, but for me not him. I saw him follow you and I knew what I would see. I just had to see with my own eyes to make sure.’ His voice remained confident but I could tell he was fighting to maintain control. His eyes held the same hurt I had seen in them before when I ignored him after our first kiss and I felt sorry that I was, once again, the one who placed it there. But relief also swelled. . and I know you will, for you are there and you have no choice but to see this... picture, as I say, a room, a low-ceilinged room, paneled with dark wood where the paneling is visible, but more obviously richly hung about with thick curtains and tapestries, in such profusion that sounds are muffled and cry from the far side of this room reaches its audience's ears as just a whisper, while a whisper must be attended to very very closely indeed to be heard at all.In the centre of this room is a bench or table, in some respects similar to the tables preferred by those who proffer services as masseurs and masseuses, so about 6 feet long, though a little broader perhaps, and certainly made sturdier of solid timbers held together with iron bolts, but like a massage table in that it has a hole at one end through which a person laying face down might breathe. And yet dissimilar from the massage table in that at each corner and along its length are attached sturdy brass rings and hooks, and.
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